Mafia Theories
by InsaneKAT
Summary: 10 Things that Sawada Tsunayoshi tries  and sometimes fails  to keep to himself. Replacement birthday present for Tsuna's birthday. A little late, but tolerable. Crack.


**AN. **This isn't my normal one-shot, but I've finally decided to switch back and write this. A replacement birthday present for Tsuna, so I won't bother you with a very long AN.

If there's anything else wrong, feel free to tell me. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows with Byakuran.

**Edited: **Edited on November 5th. Slight grammar glitches fixed.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the characters of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. All belongs to Akira Amano apart from the plot.

**10 Theories that Sawada Tsunayoshi tries (sometimes failing) to keep to himself**

**I. Gokudera and Hibari's guardian roles had been switched, somehow.**

It would explain why Gokudera had an _endless _amount of dynamite and why Hibari had a raging personality, and why Hibari was so relentless and hot(cold?)-blooded and why Gokudera preferred to stick with his boss like an ever-present cloud. Tsuna seriously wondered why everyone had failed to notice this strange matter.

He sometimes thinks that Reborn might have made a mistake. Vongola Decimo still congratulates himself on how well he hides the fact from Reborn.

(Unbeknown to him, Reborn already knows, it's just that he's much better at hiding than Tsuna. As the Arcobaleno supervises the growth of the Guardians, he was actually starting to doubt himself.)

**II. His Primo-personality-and-look came from his mother.**

He has seen Primo in dreams and visions, and every time he disappears again, Tsuna ponders on how much the First Vongola Boss looked like his mother. On one of the days Reborn disappears for no reason, he actually shut down his video game _early_ to make a list of similarities between Primo and his dad, just for the sake of convincing himself that his mother, someone completely oblivious to the mafia, is literally blood-related to Vongola Primo.

Apart from 'blond', there was nothing else on the blank sheet of paper.

(Sadly, the ever-present devil named Reborn had found the piece of paper and had teased him mercilessly about it for the next few weeks. Tsuna regrets that he ever tried.)

**III. Lambo has, unknown the cow-child himself, successfully bent two dimensions to his will while destroying several rules of physics.**

(The above was something he came up with one day at school. Yes, Dame-Tsuna also thinks. It's not that surprising, so pick your jaw up from the floor. But it's probably wrong anyways.)

Lambo's afro, one that contains a time-traveling bazooka three times his height somehow bent the rules of space and time. How he managed it, Tsuna never knew. The cow-child was always full of surprises. Up 'til this day, Lambo has succeeded in surprising everyone at least once, one of them being the first time he said 'thank you' sincerely to _Reborn_. Gokudera had, despite all the macho right-hand man act, promptly fainted on the spot in a mess of silver hair and wrinkled clothes. Reborn himself had even dropped a Leon-gun in surprise, which proved all the more that Tsuna's family was 'messed up beyond recognition'.

**IV. Gokudera himself is a UMA.**

Seriously, the bomber has exceptionally good health for someone who smokes regularly, plays with TNT, has high-blood pressure, is under constant stress, and eats instant noodles at daily basis (Gokudera can't cook if his life depended on it… but he would, at least, _try _if his Juudaime's life depended on it).

What he never found out was that Gokudera always holds back the coughs and pain when Tsuna is around. He coughs in the privacy of his own room. He's still trying to quit his bad habits. Key word being _trying_.

**VI. He has immensely good luck. Either that or he was born Gary-Stu.**

Surviving several fights and gaining allies along the way? Coping with a hopeless tutor that appeared to be 1/15 times of his age? Waking up every morning with his life at sake? And Kudos for the fights he was constantly getting into.

_What_ _a_ _life_.

**VII. Squalo was deaf. Or at least was partially challenged in hearing.**

He still kept this to himself, but he suspected that half the Vongola mansion, anyone who happened to cross the Shark's path, and the entire Varia mansion thought the exact same thing. Yamamoto actually had the guts to voice this aloud at one of the mafia dinners the Ninth insisted they have. It resulted in a great food fight. Tsuna still had nightmares about that day, but the Ninth had somehow enjoyed it greatly, laughing while wiping pasta out of his beard.

Reborn had learned about his discomfort at dinners with the Varia and had purposely made him go to every dinner he could afford to go to. His student complained loudly the entire way there but shuts up under the glare of Xanxus. Amazing how the man controls the kid.

He made sure he brought his X-burner headphones every time the Ninth asked to have dinner with the Varia. Those were some of the only times he used those headphones for other means than fighting.

**VIII. Reborn knows how to hypnotize people.**

It's the only possible and scientifically supported (kind of) reason that he could come up with when nobody could recognize his fashion-challenged tutor in any kind of cosplay.

Reborn had overheard this thought and proceeded to teach him wrong information as revenge for the 'fashion-challenged' part of the thought. It took two weeks and more-than-enough failed tests for our Dame-Tsuna to realize this. Who knew that the Mid-Ocean ridge didn't go through China?

Apparently, everyone _but _him.

(Ten years later, the Guardians had already learned how to see through Reborn's simple disguises, but failed to penetrate the tougher ones, like motorized robots and dinosaurs. To tell the truth, so can't Tsuna. The only person who was gifted with the ability of seeing through disguises was, unsurprisingly, Bianchi.

**VIIII. Belphegor has echolocation.**

There is no way the prince can see through those bangs of his. If no one can see through them, then he can't see out. Plus, he had said in the Storm Ring Battle that he was 'extremely sensitive to wind'. How else would he know that the machine was starting up apart from hearing?

(Either that or they work like those tinted windows he sees on Dino's limousines. He preferred the former though. See-through bangs… that's just a little too scary for his liking.)

**IX. Rokudo Mukuro does _not _want to possess Tsuna.**

This one exists for the sheer fact of convincing himself that the point of the illusionist's trident will _not _be the end of his Dame but peaceful life. However, it still wasn't enough to stop him from screaming like a little girl when _that _glint appears in Mukuro's blue eye.

**X. There was no _frikin' _way he was going to become Vongola Decimo.**

He has even gone as far as doing the calculations himself and tarot card readings. All of them said no. Solid evidence, see? However, the only factor he left out was the fact that his calculations were _never _right and that the tarot cards were just randomly selected and interpreted.

(Ten years later, after a solid three years of being Vongola Decimo, he swore _never _to believe in tarot card readings again. )


End file.
